[Anders' expression held sympathy, at least. He understood what Hawke was getting at and knew his love well enough to know he meant no harm in it.
Ultimately, however, he was still uneasy. He looked away from his partner to the rest of the cargo bay around them. No one seemed to be here, at least, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. As long as Justice's anger stayed in control.
He sighed and ran his hand down his face as he thought.]
If I grant him control, it's easier for us both. When he's in the Fade, he's on his own terms, calmer. When he forcefully takes control, it's out of ra- irritation, so he's a little less...stable. [More prone to mistakes. To giving in to that rage.]
I can't say I'm comfortable with it, but you're right too that it would be better to know. You just have to promise me that if, for whatever reason, things start to get...out of hand, you'll knock us out. I don't think Justice would ever lash out at you, I just...
[Didn't trust him. Not like he used to. They were of one mind about a lot of things, but Justice could still be unpredictable with a hair-trigger anger about certain things. He understood how important Hawke was to Anders, though and that was what he was staking this on.]
...It should be fine. I'd just like to hear it. Please, love.
[Adalwolfe gives his word, as uneasy as he is about all this himself. He's never really liked Justice on the whole. Too black and white, and especially when he'd started becoming more aggressive, making Anders more aggressive. But Justice is a person, like Cole is a person, and it would be entirely wrong to not at least find out what he thinks about the whole mess. If Anders is right and he wants to be separated just as badly then this will be fine. If he doesn't, then it's something they need to be aware of going forward and he'll need to find a more forceful way of removing Justice.
He hopes, for Anders' sake, it doesn't come to that.]
I'm not so sure he likes me very much, distracting you all the time as I've done, but I won't sit here and let myself get hurt if it comes to it, you know that.
[He didn't in the Deep Roads under Vimmark and we won't now.]
[He set the staff aside and closed the distance between them so he could press a lingering kiss on Adalwolfe's lips.]
I don't know if he likes you, but he respects you and that's what matters with him.
[Anders turned away again, putting a bit more distance between them, but not as much as there'd been for their sparring. A deep sigh of releasing tension and he closed his eyes. Carefully, he reached to that buzz in the corner of his mind and felt something reaching back. He'd done this all of maybe two times in their decade together, it wasn't a pleasant sensation to feel yourself traded out for another. An emotion was easier to send to the spirit than a thought and it was calm, assurance. And then it wasn't Anders.
Blue cracks spread like shattering glass across Anders' face and neck and shoulders, spidering out from their heavy concentration around his eyes to cover nearly all of his upper body and hands. His eyes snapped open and the Fade swirled in them like raw power.]
[It's never easy to watch Anders like this, knowing he's in there but not in control. This, foremost, is why he wants to separate them even knowing the Anders he fell in love with, he did so under the influence of Justice. The drive to give so much of himself, that was Justice, but turned on its side like that it began to look sinister in the blue glow. Justice was willing to sacrifice Anders for their cause, and its that Hawke has a problem with.
He tightens his hand around his staff, but otherwise makes no move, simply holding eye contact with the Fade energy that overwhelmed the comforting gold of Anders' eyes.]
Are you aware of what I was just discussing with Anders?
[Anders' head cocked slightly as though Justice were considering Hawke.]
You wish to find a way to separate us. If not physically, then mentally. To keep our emotions separate.
You wish me to be kept in a prison.
[His tone didn't waver, despite the charge in his words, but those glowing eyes still considered the Champion sharply.]
The damage is done, Hawke, we have changed. Mortals change as time goes on, do they not? This is not so different. What you are suggesting, I do not see the point except to cut me off from what freedom and autonomy I still possess.
[He can see easily how it would be taken that way, how it could even be considered that no matter the intent. But he has to convince Justice somehow.]
What is my intention is to free you from each other. The damage that's been done in the past we can't undo, not like this. There is, however, further damage that we can prevent. You're not a demon and I know you don't wish to become one, but we have no way of knowing what will happen in the future. I don't want to see either of you hurt, for his sake and Riona's. She cares for you, too.
[He lets out a breath and takes in another at a measured pace, feeling the coolness of his magic in his lungs. He's very still as he continues, eyes trained on Justice cautiously.]
Your thoughts and feelings, they bleed into him, and I'm willing to bet that his bleed into yours. Don't you want to be free of that? You are not a mortal, you are a spirit, and for you change can be deadly.
[The mention of Riona causes the glow from the cracks and eyes to dim, his expression shifting into something never before on the spirit's face. Not as they were now. It was gentle and distant, as though those eyes were seeing into the past.]
The Commander is a Just woman.
[It's almost quiet, as quiet as Justice's booming voice can be, but it's all he adds to the sentiment before falling silent to wait for the rest of Hawke's words. By the end, however, that bright glow flashed back into existence and the cracks spread slightly wider, slightly deeper as though the flare of anger rising in him threatened to break him apart.]
You think me weak? I am not like them, I will not succumb to Unjust desires and become as twisted as those things. Do not think it again.
[Normally, Justice was almost unnaturally still, not moving unless he saw a need, but now he paced very briefly as his thoughts raged. His movement jolted to a stop and he looked back to Hawke.]
How would you separate us, Champion? The Fade is too far and the breadth allowed to reach it's energy too weak and spread thin to be touched. What is your solution?
[He didn't want this. Never wanted it to be like this. He wanted...to protect, to learn, to understand, to live- the mages, Justices Vengeance, Freedom and now....uncertainty. His thoughts ran together less as actual concepts and more as emotions running together like bleeding colors. They could not do this anymore.]
[He could say what he really thinks, that Justice is Vengeance and has lost sight of what is actually Just under that transformation. He could say that, but it would be too aggressive. He could also try and make a joke about it, tell him he's Just trying to help, and no need to get Anders' knickers in a knot about it. A subtle jab at whose body he's inhabiting. But no, that's not right either. Too familiar. Justice wants to be respected, to be considered, and Hawke can't fault him for that.]
I would find you another host, one with a mind that cannot or will not influence what you are and will not be influenced in return. I warn you it may not be another person, as that would just cause the same issue over again, but there are other beings. That is, if you're willing.
[He shifts his weight, knowing this will make or break Justice's cooperation.]
You're a person of your own, and this effects you just as much as Anders. I don't want to leave you out of the decision making. That would be unjust.
[Not a joke, a statement of fact, as amusing as it is on the surface.]
[It would be unjust and Justice respects that Hawke sees that, but it's not what his words focus on. His body language becomes agitated. Human. Small tells that would normally belong to Anders follow the same pattern with the spirit.]
No. [It's sharp and firm and his hands clench at his sides.]
I do not want another person. I never did. And I will not accept a corpse.
[But instead...instead he would be in a creature? An animal, likely. It would offer him another view of the world as he'd once longed for, but would it not just be another prison, another limitation he was shackled in as he lost even the ability to talk? And what about the animal itself? 'A cat that lacks freedom...']
Whatever creature you chose as my vessel would be no better than a slave to me, it would lack freedom and that is unjust.
[His anger pulsed again and he strode back to Hawke as though advancing on him, but he still kept some distance.]
You should have granted our victims justice when we offered it! You should have freed us then instead of selfishly denying justice and peace!
And what about my justice, then? Don't you think I've done enough to warrant the peace of having Anders by my side?
[It's an outburst and he doesn't mean for it to be. His grip tightens on his staff again and he swallows, knowing his voice broke just a little. His mind races, going through options. He thinks hard on what he spoke about with Felix, on how this could work. Make Justice a slug. Or a toaster, or-- that's it!]
There are... alternatives. This world is very different from Thedas. They have these things called droids. They're like... well they're sort of like Golems, but without control rods. They have autonomy, but not a consciousness. Some have been programmed for specific purposes like cleaning, but if you were to be put in one, I'm sure you could supersede that, and you wouldn't be taking the life of anyone else.
[He's quiet, empty eyes staring at Hawke's face and then past it.]
That...may be acceptable. I would like to know more, however. You can tell Anders of it, whatever you find.
[He's quiet again but a moment later those vortex eyes snap back to Hawke.]
Do not think, simply because I am a spirit, that I do not understand. It is true that most spirits do not understand values and emotions that do not pertain to them, particularly love, but I am no longer like them.
The man whose body I possessed before was named Kristoff. He was a Grey Warden who died at the hands of Darkspawn unjustly. He had a wife. It was through his memories and later meeting her, seeing her pain, wanting to help her, I began to understand. Part of me even began to long for a connection so strong. Through Anders, I have learned more.
I understand what he means to you and what you mean to him. I also understand what he means to me. I do not wish him suffering, but he was as prepared to die as I was prepared to let him. That would not have been unjust, perhaps unfair to you, but not unjust.
[The reply is quiet, much softer than the booming voice of Justice, echoing even when the room doesn't cause it.]
Not... not about Kristoff, but I do know you were prepared to die, and I know he was too. Still is.
[The corner of his mouth twitches up in spite of himself, but there's nothing mirthful in his eyes as they drift to Anders' boots and linger there.]
But justice doesn't always come with death. Killing the person who's done something wrong doesn't undo that wrong. Death is just death. It's an ending, but it isn't atonement.
[He lets his eyes come up to meet Justice's glow again, his own stormy gaze clear.]
You were with us when we visited the Circles. People needed our cause explained, even still. Needed help to fight or escape. The world still needs Anders, not just me. Those mages who never had any hope, the ones who ended up fighting for their lives when they never thought they'd have one of their own. They need to know he's still there. A martyr is no use to the living.
[A long exhale, a little bit of mist going with it. He can never help that, in emotionally charged situations, as calm as he appears to be. He feels calm too, somehow. Justice sharing that of himself, expressing that he understands, as far as he can, Adalwolfe's care for Anders, that helps. But he's still emotional anyway. It's something else. Not upset, not anger. Helplessness, maybe. Justice being within Anders can still do as he likes, and as much as he says he doesn't wish Anders suffering - and Hawke does believe that - the situation is untenable. It will cause him suffering no matter what anyone actually wants.]
None of that matters now, here. All I wanted to ask you was your side. This effects you too, and it's high time someone actually asked you what you wanted.
[His thoughts churn uncomfortably and an emotion he can't identify plagues him but he says nothing. It clicks a moment later.
'What you did was wrong. You must make amends.'
A long forgotten conversation played loud and painfully clear as a hand drawing back a curtain.
'Teach them. Show these humans what they are so carelessly destroying.'
'And if they do not listen?'
'Then you have done what you could.'
A different injustice. A different conflict. But was this not the same in a way?]
You have given me something to think about. I thank you for having consideration for my opinion. I would expect nothing less from a Just man such as yourself.
[He doesn't say goodbye or give any sign of his departure from the conversation beyond the glow dying and the cracks receding. Anders lets out a slightly jagged gasp and a hand finds Adalwolfe's shoulder to brace him when he staggers, but he finds his footing quickly.]
Well...that was...different.
[He looked back up to Hawke with his own amber eyes and smiled softly.]
[Adalwolfe doesn't answer, instead letting his staff fall from his grip so he can tug Anders closer and kiss him deeply, taste that little smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes so handsomely. It tastes of the Fade too, makes his lips tingle even after he pulls away, hands on either side of Anders' face.]
Yeah. Good talk.
[Another exhale, this time with no mist as the clench in his chest eases and he allows himself to stop clinging, sliding his hands from Anders' face down to his chest and patting him once, a silent motion that confirms to him that Anders is alright.]
He said he may be amenable to a robot body, since he wouldn't be superseding any living being's consciousness then.
[The kiss is grounding and clears his mind a little more. This wasn't the violent or messy return from the times Justice had forcibly taken control before, but it was still jarring. Especially since he was still blacking out, maybe that was a side-effect caused by something else entirely and not really Justice's fault.
Not that it was something he was looking to test.
But it did cause some confusion about how the conversation turned from agreeing to a dream-meeting to putting his friend in a robot. He supposed it didn't really matter as long as nothing bad had happened.]
Oh? Well, good! I suppose that makes things a little easier for us on the whole. We'll simply need to find someone who can do what we're looking for. I guess this Felix wouldn't be able to separate us or he would have offered that instead.
I'm not sure, we'd have to ask. He implied he'd need help with that part but if I knew how I might be able to do it.
[More grounded himself, Adalwolfe moves away just a step or two to pick his staff back up.]
I'll take a trip to the library tomorrow, see what we can find. I don't want there too be too much of a gap between putting in the block and moving him out, for his sake.
[There's an odd note there, a bit of understanding, a bit of kindness. Not that he'd been entirely unkind to Justice in the past, but he's certainly had Opinions on what Justice's presence did to Anders and they weren't good ones. This is different though. Settled. Positive.]
[Affection fills his expression as he picks out the differences in Adalwolfe's tone. He couldn't remember Hawke ever referring to Justice like that.]
Maker, what did you two talk about? [He meant it rhetorically, not really expecting Hawke to answer if he didn't want to. Plus, there was one thing concerning him about what Hawke said.]
If you do find a way in the library, all I ask is that you don't attempt the magic alone. I don't know what spell it would take, but I can't imagine it would be an easy one. I don't want you to hurt yourself if you tried to perform it alone.
[He grins conspiratorially then considers in regards to the spell, trying not to be annoyed at Anders' caution.]
I know I'm not Circle trained, but I'm plenty adept at magic on the whole, you know.
[He smiles a bit to try to sooth what he knows was something of a prickly response and it comes on a bit wolfish, but he manages.]
If it warrants help though, I'll ask someone. The whole reason to do things this way is to keep your life out of danger. I'm not going to do something that would jeopardize that.
[Anders winces, mostly out of surprise, but there was a touch of hurt as well.]
No, that wasn't what I meant. I simply meant seperating a spirit from a person is impossible back home, I highly doubt it'll be a simple spell anywhere else, either. A spell as complex as this one would likely need to be would require every ounce of mana a mage had and, likely, more. You've seen me scraping the bottom of my mana well, you've felt it yourself after the battle with the Arishock, though I would understand if you didn't remember clearly considering you were busy bleeding out all over the keep's floor.
This would likely be worse than even that as it could require being constantly maintained so it would simply take and take, whether you had anything to give or not. At the very least, having one other mage present would allow for the focus to be switched from one to another to allow a moment of rest.
[His brows came together in concern and apprehension.]
Do...you really think I believe so little in your skills, Hawke? After all this time? Do you really believe I prize a Circle's education over all else?
[How could it be that he managed to see eye to eye with Justice of all people but suddenly now he's borderline arguing with Anders? It's just a topsy-turvy day apparently. He pinches the bridge of his nose.]
No, I don't think you prize anything from the Circles, but I do think there is something to be said for it being the only place to learn magic with any sort of formality. You know things I've never thought of, and all of those mages from the Circles we helped to rebel know it too. How many times did I hear how surprised they were that I had such control over my spellcasting? Like I'm some anomaly. Do you remember at the Markham Circle, the senior enchanter who literally scoffed at me when I admitted I couldn't help with making potions?
[He grinds his teeth behind closed lips, his jaw clenching for a moment to cover that irritation.]
I'd never wish for the Circle on anyone as it is, but there are gaps. I know you know that, and I wonder sometimes if it doesn't undermine your confidence in me.
[It undermines his confidence in himself, sometimes. He wouldn't blame Anders if that were the case.]
[Anders' expression softened and he stepped closer to gently run his fingers through Adalwolfe's hair.]
Never, my love. There are things you don't know that others our age would be experts at, it's true, but you've lived a hundred times more than they'll ever dream of. Your experiences, what you are good at is worth so much more because it's real and natural. Your magic has it's own wild beauty to it, not the systematic grooming by dusty books and the crushed spirits of hobbled enchanters.
[He gave a small smile meant to encourage.]
Besides, you have me, you don't need to make potions.
Don't take to heart what they thought or said, they're barely even half the person and mage you are, they're just too sheltered and cowed to know it yet.
[There's doubt there still, but Anders is so vehement and so earnest about it that Adalwolfe makes a mollified noise and nuzzles his face into Anders' neck just for a moment. He wouldn't trade his upbringing for Anders' save to spare him from the awful things that had been done to him, but it's nice to have it confirmed once in awhile that there aren't major pieces of his magical identity missing simply because experience had been his greatest teacher of technique.]
I'm fairly certain Hermione knows more about magic than both of us combined, anyhow.
[She's from a world with a real magical society, after all. With real schooling, and support.]
She had to explain to me what arithmancy is. Not that I think magic by numbers would do anything to help you and Justice, but even so.
[Anders' head cocked to the side slightly, his confusion clear as day.]
...Arithmancy? What is that?
[Apparently, something to do with numbers. He knew Hermione's society was everything he dreamed of and hoped for in Thedas, they'd talked about it while building the greenhouse together, but that was a field of magic he'd never heard of before.]
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apurrstate) wrote2016-05-03 09:35 pm
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[Wolfe chews his lip for a moment.]
It's too bad none of us wrote down Marithari's spell. I don't like it when he takes you over, but if you can't help it in dreams anyway...
[Well that was a terrible way to say that. Wolfe cringes at himself.]
That... didn't come out right.
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Ultimately, however, he was still uneasy. He looked away from his partner to the rest of the cargo bay around them. No one seemed to be here, at least, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. As long as Justice's anger stayed in control.
He sighed and ran his hand down his face as he thought.]
If I grant him control, it's easier for us both. When he's in the Fade, he's on his own terms, calmer. When he forcefully takes control, it's out of ra- irritation, so he's a little less...stable. [More prone to mistakes. To giving in to that rage.]
I can't say I'm comfortable with it, but you're right too that it would be better to know. You just have to promise me that if, for whatever reason, things start to get...out of hand, you'll knock us out. I don't think Justice would ever lash out at you, I just...
[Didn't trust him. Not like he used to. They were of one mind about a lot of things, but Justice could still be unpredictable with a hair-trigger anger about certain things. He understood how important Hawke was to Anders, though and that was what he was staking this on.]
...It should be fine. I'd just like to hear it. Please, love.
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[Adalwolfe gives his word, as uneasy as he is about all this himself. He's never really liked Justice on the whole. Too black and white, and especially when he'd started becoming more aggressive, making Anders more aggressive. But Justice is a person, like Cole is a person, and it would be entirely wrong to not at least find out what he thinks about the whole mess. If Anders is right and he wants to be separated just as badly then this will be fine. If he doesn't, then it's something they need to be aware of going forward and he'll need to find a more forceful way of removing Justice.
He hopes, for Anders' sake, it doesn't come to that.]
I'm not so sure he likes me very much, distracting you all the time as I've done, but I won't sit here and let myself get hurt if it comes to it, you know that.
[He didn't in the Deep Roads under Vimmark and we won't now.]
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[He set the staff aside and closed the distance between them so he could press a lingering kiss on Adalwolfe's lips.]
I don't know if he likes you, but he respects you and that's what matters with him.
[Anders turned away again, putting a bit more distance between them, but not as much as there'd been for their sparring. A deep sigh of releasing tension and he closed his eyes. Carefully, he reached to that buzz in the corner of his mind and felt something reaching back. He'd done this all of maybe two times in their decade together, it wasn't a pleasant sensation to feel yourself traded out for another. An emotion was easier to send to the spirit than a thought and it was calm, assurance. And then it wasn't Anders.
Blue cracks spread like shattering glass across Anders' face and neck and shoulders, spidering out from their heavy concentration around his eyes to cover nearly all of his upper body and hands. His eyes snapped open and the Fade swirled in them like raw power.]
You wished to speak with me.
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[It's never easy to watch Anders like this, knowing he's in there but not in control. This, foremost, is why he wants to separate them even knowing the Anders he fell in love with, he did so under the influence of Justice. The drive to give so much of himself, that was Justice, but turned on its side like that it began to look sinister in the blue glow. Justice was willing to sacrifice Anders for their cause, and its that Hawke has a problem with.
He tightens his hand around his staff, but otherwise makes no move, simply holding eye contact with the Fade energy that overwhelmed the comforting gold of Anders' eyes.]
Are you aware of what I was just discussing with Anders?
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You wish to find a way to separate us. If not physically, then mentally. To keep our emotions separate.
You wish me to be kept in a prison.
[His tone didn't waver, despite the charge in his words, but those glowing eyes still considered the Champion sharply.]
The damage is done, Hawke, we have changed. Mortals change as time goes on, do they not? This is not so different. What you are suggesting, I do not see the point except to cut me off from what freedom and autonomy I still possess.
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[He can see easily how it would be taken that way, how it could even be considered that no matter the intent. But he has to convince Justice somehow.]
What is my intention is to free you from each other. The damage that's been done in the past we can't undo, not like this. There is, however, further damage that we can prevent. You're not a demon and I know you don't wish to become one, but we have no way of knowing what will happen in the future. I don't want to see either of you hurt, for his sake and Riona's. She cares for you, too.
[He lets out a breath and takes in another at a measured pace, feeling the coolness of his magic in his lungs. He's very still as he continues, eyes trained on Justice cautiously.]
Your thoughts and feelings, they bleed into him, and I'm willing to bet that his bleed into yours. Don't you want to be free of that? You are not a mortal, you are a spirit, and for you change can be deadly.
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The Commander is a Just woman.
[It's almost quiet, as quiet as Justice's booming voice can be, but it's all he adds to the sentiment before falling silent to wait for the rest of Hawke's words. By the end, however, that bright glow flashed back into existence and the cracks spread slightly wider, slightly deeper as though the flare of anger rising in him threatened to break him apart.]
You think me weak? I am not like them, I will not succumb to Unjust desires and become as twisted as those things. Do not think it again.
[Normally, Justice was almost unnaturally still, not moving unless he saw a need, but now he paced very briefly as his thoughts raged. His movement jolted to a stop and he looked back to Hawke.]
How would you separate us, Champion? The Fade is too far and the breadth allowed to reach it's energy too weak and spread thin to be touched. What is your solution?
[He didn't want this. Never wanted it to be like this. He wanted...to protect, to learn, to understand, to live- the mages, Justices Vengeance, Freedom and now....uncertainty. His thoughts ran together less as actual concepts and more as emotions running together like bleeding colors. They could not do this anymore.]
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I would find you another host, one with a mind that cannot or will not influence what you are and will not be influenced in return. I warn you it may not be another person, as that would just cause the same issue over again, but there are other beings. That is, if you're willing.
[He shifts his weight, knowing this will make or break Justice's cooperation.]
You're a person of your own, and this effects you just as much as Anders. I don't want to leave you out of the decision making. That would be unjust.
[Not a joke, a statement of fact, as amusing as it is on the surface.]
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No. [It's sharp and firm and his hands clench at his sides.]
I do not want another person. I never did. And I will not accept a corpse.
[But instead...instead he would be in a creature? An animal, likely. It would offer him another view of the world as he'd once longed for, but would it not just be another prison, another limitation he was shackled in as he lost even the ability to talk? And what about the animal itself? 'A cat that lacks freedom...']
Whatever creature you chose as my vessel would be no better than a slave to me, it would lack freedom and that is unjust.
[His anger pulsed again and he strode back to Hawke as though advancing on him, but he still kept some distance.]
You should have granted our victims justice when we offered it! You should have freed us then instead of selfishly denying justice and peace!
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[It's an outburst and he doesn't mean for it to be. His grip tightens on his staff again and he swallows, knowing his voice broke just a little. His mind races, going through options. He thinks hard on what he spoke about with Felix, on how this could work. Make Justice a slug. Or a toaster, or-- that's it!]
There are... alternatives. This world is very different from Thedas. They have these things called droids. They're like... well they're sort of like Golems, but without control rods. They have autonomy, but not a consciousness. Some have been programmed for specific purposes like cleaning, but if you were to be put in one, I'm sure you could supersede that, and you wouldn't be taking the life of anyone else.
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That...may be acceptable. I would like to know more, however. You can tell Anders of it, whatever you find.
[He's quiet again but a moment later those vortex eyes snap back to Hawke.]
Do not think, simply because I am a spirit, that I do not understand. It is true that most spirits do not understand values and emotions that do not pertain to them, particularly love, but I am no longer like them.
The man whose body I possessed before was named Kristoff. He was a Grey Warden who died at the hands of Darkspawn unjustly. He had a wife. It was through his memories and later meeting her, seeing her pain, wanting to help her, I began to understand. Part of me even began to long for a connection so strong. Through Anders, I have learned more.
I understand what he means to you and what you mean to him. I also understand what he means to me. I do not wish him suffering, but he was as prepared to die as I was prepared to let him. That would not have been unjust, perhaps unfair to you, but not unjust.
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[The reply is quiet, much softer than the booming voice of Justice, echoing even when the room doesn't cause it.]
Not... not about Kristoff, but I do know you were prepared to die, and I know he was too. Still is.
[The corner of his mouth twitches up in spite of himself, but there's nothing mirthful in his eyes as they drift to Anders' boots and linger there.]
But justice doesn't always come with death. Killing the person who's done something wrong doesn't undo that wrong. Death is just death. It's an ending, but it isn't atonement.
[He lets his eyes come up to meet Justice's glow again, his own stormy gaze clear.]
You were with us when we visited the Circles. People needed our cause explained, even still. Needed help to fight or escape. The world still needs Anders, not just me. Those mages who never had any hope, the ones who ended up fighting for their lives when they never thought they'd have one of their own. They need to know he's still there. A martyr is no use to the living.
[A long exhale, a little bit of mist going with it. He can never help that, in emotionally charged situations, as calm as he appears to be. He feels calm too, somehow. Justice sharing that of himself, expressing that he understands, as far as he can, Adalwolfe's care for Anders, that helps. But he's still emotional anyway. It's something else. Not upset, not anger. Helplessness, maybe. Justice being within Anders can still do as he likes, and as much as he says he doesn't wish Anders suffering - and Hawke does believe that - the situation is untenable. It will cause him suffering no matter what anyone actually wants.]
None of that matters now, here. All I wanted to ask you was your side. This effects you too, and it's high time someone actually asked you what you wanted.
[But please, please let him go.]
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'What you did was wrong. You must make amends.'
A long forgotten conversation played loud and painfully clear as a hand drawing back a curtain.
'Teach them. Show these humans what they are so carelessly destroying.'
'And if they do not listen?'
'Then you have done what you could.'
A different injustice. A different conflict. But was this not the same in a way?]
You have given me something to think about. I thank you for having consideration for my opinion. I would expect nothing less from a Just man such as yourself.
[He doesn't say goodbye or give any sign of his departure from the conversation beyond the glow dying and the cracks receding. Anders lets out a slightly jagged gasp and a hand finds Adalwolfe's shoulder to brace him when he staggers, but he finds his footing quickly.]
Well...that was...different.
[He looked back up to Hawke with his own amber eyes and smiled softly.]
Good talk?
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Yeah. Good talk.
[Another exhale, this time with no mist as the clench in his chest eases and he allows himself to stop clinging, sliding his hands from Anders' face down to his chest and patting him once, a silent motion that confirms to him that Anders is alright.]
He said he may be amenable to a robot body, since he wouldn't be superseding any living being's consciousness then.
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Not that it was something he was looking to test.
But it did cause some confusion about how the conversation turned from agreeing to a dream-meeting to putting his friend in a robot. He supposed it didn't really matter as long as nothing bad had happened.]
Oh? Well, good! I suppose that makes things a little easier for us on the whole. We'll simply need to find someone who can do what we're looking for. I guess this Felix wouldn't be able to separate us or he would have offered that instead.
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[More grounded himself, Adalwolfe moves away just a step or two to pick his staff back up.]
I'll take a trip to the library tomorrow, see what we can find. I don't want there too be too much of a gap between putting in the block and moving him out, for his sake.
[There's an odd note there, a bit of understanding, a bit of kindness. Not that he'd been entirely unkind to Justice in the past, but he's certainly had Opinions on what Justice's presence did to Anders and they weren't good ones. This is different though. Settled. Positive.]
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Maker, what did you two talk about? [He meant it rhetorically, not really expecting Hawke to answer if he didn't want to. Plus, there was one thing concerning him about what Hawke said.]
If you do find a way in the library, all I ask is that you don't attempt the magic alone. I don't know what spell it would take, but I can't imagine it would be an easy one. I don't want you to hurt yourself if you tried to perform it alone.
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[He grins conspiratorially then considers in regards to the spell, trying not to be annoyed at Anders' caution.]
I know I'm not Circle trained, but I'm plenty adept at magic on the whole, you know.
[He smiles a bit to try to sooth what he knows was something of a prickly response and it comes on a bit wolfish, but he manages.]
If it warrants help though, I'll ask someone. The whole reason to do things this way is to keep your life out of danger. I'm not going to do something that would jeopardize that.
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No, that wasn't what I meant. I simply meant seperating a spirit from a person is impossible back home, I highly doubt it'll be a simple spell anywhere else, either. A spell as complex as this one would likely need to be would require every ounce of mana a mage had and, likely, more. You've seen me scraping the bottom of my mana well, you've felt it yourself after the battle with the Arishock, though I would understand if you didn't remember clearly considering you were busy bleeding out all over the keep's floor.
This would likely be worse than even that as it could require being constantly maintained so it would simply take and take, whether you had anything to give or not. At the very least, having one other mage present would allow for the focus to be switched from one to another to allow a moment of rest.
[His brows came together in concern and apprehension.]
Do...you really think I believe so little in your skills, Hawke? After all this time? Do you really believe I prize a Circle's education over all else?
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[How could it be that he managed to see eye to eye with Justice of all people but suddenly now he's borderline arguing with Anders? It's just a topsy-turvy day apparently. He pinches the bridge of his nose.]
No, I don't think you prize anything from the Circles, but I do think there is something to be said for it being the only place to learn magic with any sort of formality. You know things I've never thought of, and all of those mages from the Circles we helped to rebel know it too. How many times did I hear how surprised they were that I had such control over my spellcasting? Like I'm some anomaly. Do you remember at the Markham Circle, the senior enchanter who literally scoffed at me when I admitted I couldn't help with making potions?
[He grinds his teeth behind closed lips, his jaw clenching for a moment to cover that irritation.]
I'd never wish for the Circle on anyone as it is, but there are gaps. I know you know that, and I wonder sometimes if it doesn't undermine your confidence in me.
[It undermines his confidence in himself, sometimes. He wouldn't blame Anders if that were the case.]
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Never, my love. There are things you don't know that others our age would be experts at, it's true, but you've lived a hundred times more than they'll ever dream of. Your experiences, what you are good at is worth so much more because it's real and natural. Your magic has it's own wild beauty to it, not the systematic grooming by dusty books and the crushed spirits of hobbled enchanters.
[He gave a small smile meant to encourage.]
Besides, you have me, you don't need to make potions.
Don't take to heart what they thought or said, they're barely even half the person and mage you are, they're just too sheltered and cowed to know it yet.
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I'm fairly certain Hermione knows more about magic than both of us combined, anyhow.
[She's from a world with a real magical society, after all. With real schooling, and support.]
She had to explain to me what arithmancy is. Not that I think magic by numbers would do anything to help you and Justice, but even so.
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...Arithmancy? What is that?
[Apparently, something to do with numbers. He knew Hermione's society was everything he dreamed of and hoped for in Thedas, they'd talked about it while building the greenhouse together, but that was a field of magic he'd never heard of before.]
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Oh thank the Maker, you don't know either.
[He claps his boyfriend on the back, pleased and a little relieved.]
Apparently something like guessing at the future based on numbers. It sounds a bit dodgy to me. I think she just likes orderly numbers.
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