Anders (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
apurrstate) wrote2016-05-03 09:35 pm
apurrstate) wrote2016-05-03 09:35 pm
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((Immediately after this))
Anders!
[Hawke calls into the video as if he'd been calling for Anders for a time already and is only now being heard. That's not the case, but it's how harried he feels.]
Anders, there are people hurt on the Iskaulit.
Anders!
[Hawke calls into the video as if he'd been calling for Anders for a time already and is only now being heard. That's not the case, but it's how harried he feels.]
Anders, there are people hurt on the Iskaulit.
[Anders, on the other hand, isn't in any rush at all, it seems. He answers the hurried call with a raised eyebrow and, based on his surroundings, he's clearly still sitting at his desk.]
I saw. Terrible.
I saw. Terrible.
...are you on your way, or...?
[It doesn't look like it but that doesn't compute.]
[It doesn't look like it but that doesn't compute.]
No. Why should I be? They have healers over there already.
[He says it with a shrug.]
[He says it with a shrug.]
That- what? There are more than a dozen injured it sounds like, and none of the other healers here have ma--
[He cuts himself off for a moment to encrypt the feed, just in case.]
Have magic. You're a spirit healer, you could help in half the time.
[He cuts himself off for a moment to encrypt the feed, just in case.]
Have magic. You're a spirit healer, you could help in half the time.
[Anders sighs, annoyance creeping into his voice.]
And why should I do that? Why should I waste my energy and mana for people who wouldn't do the same for me? I don't owe them anything.
Good day, Hawke.
[He hangs up.]
And why should I do that? Why should I waste my energy and mana for people who wouldn't do the same for me? I don't owe them anything.
Good day, Hawke.
[He hangs up.]
How do you know th-
[...he hung up. Shite! Hawke calls back, winking back into existence on Anders' screen.]
The Anders I know cares about people!
[...he hung up. Shite! Hawke calls back, winking back into existence on Anders' screen.]
The Anders I know cares about people!
[The device is laying on the desk if the view of the ceiling is any indication.]
I care about my freedom, something people have always taken from me.
I'm not going to waste my magic on people who're just as likely to use it against me.
There are other healers and healing equipment, leave me alone, Hawke.
I care about my freedom, something people have always taken from me.
I'm not going to waste my magic on people who're just as likely to use it against me.
There are other healers and healing equipment, leave me alone, Hawke.
You're far more effective than any other healer here; they need you! The people here are not about to condemn you just for that, and if they do I'll protect you!
[He says it like it's something Anders should already know, forgetting in the heat of the moment that Anders doesn't know him from anyone else here in the fleet.]
[He says it like it's something Anders should already know, forgetting in the heat of the moment that Anders doesn't know him from anyone else here in the fleet.]
[The communicator is snatched up and Anders appears, hair down to frame an angry and slightly hurt gaze.]
I don't trust you!
[It's harsher than he intended it, but he doesn't take it back either. His frustration was breaking his care-free, happy mask. The one he wore because it was easier, but now he couldn't do it.
He didn't want to risk himself for nothing, he didn't want to reach out to these people, he couldn't afford to get close to them. He didn't want to deal with the fact someone he did let close didn't know him and he certainly didn't want to deal with all of these people who knew Maker-knew how much about him while he barely trusted them enough to shake their hands.
He didn't want to deal with a man who looked at him like he was the most important thing in the world when there was still Karl and the Gray Wardens and so much he didn't know. Too much.]
Your word means nothing because I don't know you! And for all your talk it's clear you don't know me either.
I don't trust you!
[It's harsher than he intended it, but he doesn't take it back either. His frustration was breaking his care-free, happy mask. The one he wore because it was easier, but now he couldn't do it.
He didn't want to risk himself for nothing, he didn't want to reach out to these people, he couldn't afford to get close to them. He didn't want to deal with the fact someone he did let close didn't know him and he certainly didn't want to deal with all of these people who knew Maker-knew how much about him while he barely trusted them enough to shake their hands.
He didn't want to deal with a man who looked at him like he was the most important thing in the world when there was still Karl and the Gray Wardens and so much he didn't know. Too much.]
Your word means nothing because I don't know you! And for all your talk it's clear you don't know me either.
[Hawke opens his mouth to argue, to tell Anders just how well he knows him, in every sense of the word. How he'd bled for Anders, cried for him, defended him against a world that would just as soon see him dead for his actions, supported him even when his plans were ill conceived and even worse in execution. Cared for him when sick, fought beside him when attacked, gave up everything for his - for their - beliefs.
He closes his mouth again, looking at those angry amber eyes as if they bore holes in him, and he knows Anders is right. He doesn't know him, not like this. This isn't the man with ink-stained hands who squints up by candlelight to write a treatise on his beliefs. This isn't the same man who once pledged to bathe the entire city of Kirkwall in blood just to keep him safe. This is a scared apostate, hunted, desperate enough to take a vow to the Wardens of all things to keep the Templars away. His priorities are different, his life is different, and he'd never told Hawke about these things.
But he'd told him others. Told him how he's afraid to sleep too deeply lest he lose himself to Justice in the Fade. Told him just how empty and lonely he was, perhaps not in voice but in action. Hawke sees that here too, under the cracking veneer of Anders' facade, and his heart aches because he knows there is something between Anders' now and Hawke's now that turns the blond's wisecracking air into something tortured and desperate and it makes Hawke feel wrong for wanting that Anders back. The one who cares, certainly, but the one who's seen too much, been through too much, and had enough.
He shouldn't wish that on anyone, least of all the person he loves.
When Hawke does finally speak, his voice is calm and carefully placid.]
I forget myself. Please accept my apologies. I won't bother you about this again.
I'll see to matters on the Iskaulit.
[Without waiting for a reply, the video winks out.]
He closes his mouth again, looking at those angry amber eyes as if they bore holes in him, and he knows Anders is right. He doesn't know him, not like this. This isn't the man with ink-stained hands who squints up by candlelight to write a treatise on his beliefs. This isn't the same man who once pledged to bathe the entire city of Kirkwall in blood just to keep him safe. This is a scared apostate, hunted, desperate enough to take a vow to the Wardens of all things to keep the Templars away. His priorities are different, his life is different, and he'd never told Hawke about these things.
But he'd told him others. Told him how he's afraid to sleep too deeply lest he lose himself to Justice in the Fade. Told him just how empty and lonely he was, perhaps not in voice but in action. Hawke sees that here too, under the cracking veneer of Anders' facade, and his heart aches because he knows there is something between Anders' now and Hawke's now that turns the blond's wisecracking air into something tortured and desperate and it makes Hawke feel wrong for wanting that Anders back. The one who cares, certainly, but the one who's seen too much, been through too much, and had enough.
He shouldn't wish that on anyone, least of all the person he loves.
When Hawke does finally speak, his voice is calm and carefully placid.]
I forget myself. Please accept my apologies. I won't bother you about this again.
I'll see to matters on the Iskaulit.
[Without waiting for a reply, the video winks out.]
[Probably two minutes after Adalwolfe's call, the next person to ask Anders about the Iskaulit does not do him the courtesy of simply calling him. Oh, no, instead, Jon barges right into the medical wing, looking more than a little worried. He knows his siblings weren't on the ship, but now that the possibility's been brought up, he needs to see for himself the damage that's been wrought. And he can't exactly help, he's not a healer or a maester or anything.
But, as it follows, he knows somebody who could.]
We need to go to the Iskaulit. [...that's real forceful.]
But, as it follows, he knows somebody who could.]
We need to go to the Iskaulit. [...that's real forceful.]
[Anders still has his hair down, loose around his face and neck and Jon's sudden appearance and demand has him running a hand through it in aggravation.]
For Maker's sake. Did Hawke put you up to this?
[No, probably not. Not with the way he sounded there at the end. Great, just great, someone else asking things from Anders he didn't want to hear.]
Why?
For Maker's sake. Did Hawke put you up to this?
[No, probably not. Not with the way he sounded there at the end. Great, just great, someone else asking things from Anders he didn't want to hear.]
Why?
Edited 2016-06-11 14:39 (UTC)
Who?
[He has no reason yet to connect the man he spoke with over the network to the Hawke that Anders is talking about. Instead he lets out a breath, runs a hand through his hair. The truth is that he's worried, and he needs to see what happened for himself.]
No one put me up to this. [A breath, then:] And I'm asking you to come because I'm more likely to hinder rather than help. You've a better grasp of this than I do. [I mean, why else would he be assigned to the medical wing?] Besides, they did ask for all medical personnel.
[He has no reason yet to connect the man he spoke with over the network to the Hawke that Anders is talking about. Instead he lets out a breath, runs a hand through his hair. The truth is that he's worried, and he needs to see what happened for himself.]
No one put me up to this. [A breath, then:] And I'm asking you to come because I'm more likely to hinder rather than help. You've a better grasp of this than I do. [I mean, why else would he be assigned to the medical wing?] Besides, they did ask for all medical personnel.
[He sighs and runs his hand down his face.]
Fine.
[His hand runs back up as he stands and sweeps his long hair back into it's ponytail. A smile blooms on his face a second later.]
Shall we, Ser Jon? Let's see what we can do to help.
Fine.
[His hand runs back up as he stands and sweeps his long hair back into it's ponytail. A smile blooms on his face a second later.]
Shall we, Ser Jon? Let's see what we can do to help.
I'm not a knight, it's just Jon.
[Tossed out almost absentmindedly, as he steps aside to let Anders walk through. He was a man of the Night's Watch, once, though--he's not sure if that still applies now. Ser wasn't reserved for them, though, and certainly not for Jon Snow.]
What you can do. I'm no maester, I just--[need to see if anyone I know is hurt.]
[Tossed out almost absentmindedly, as he steps aside to let Anders walk through. He was a man of the Night's Watch, once, though--he's not sure if that still applies now. Ser wasn't reserved for them, though, and certainly not for Jon Snow.]
What you can do. I'm no maester, I just--[need to see if anyone I know is hurt.]
It's a sign of respect where I'm from, but if you'd prefer I don't use it, I have no problems being disrespectful.
[Especially right now when he was feeling fairly petty. He walks past and continues on, assuming Jon will walk with him.]
Need to see what you can do to help, yes I get it. The good sorts of people do that sort of thing.
[Especially right now when he was feeling fairly petty. He walks past and continues on, assuming Jon will walk with him.]
Need to see what you can do to help, yes I get it. The good sorts of people do that sort of thing.
You wouldn't be the first one.
[He falls into step beside Anders, looks up at him. Disrespect is something he's used to getting, both in and out of a position of leadership. Besides--at least Anders isn't Janos Slynt.
He doesn't correct Anders on his assumption, just shrugs his shoulders as if in assent, as if to say, you caught me.]
And you're not "good sorts", I take it? [said the bastard to the apostate, out of curiosity.]
[He falls into step beside Anders, looks up at him. Disrespect is something he's used to getting, both in and out of a position of leadership. Besides--at least Anders isn't Janos Slynt.
He doesn't correct Anders on his assumption, just shrugs his shoulders as if in assent, as if to say, you caught me.]
And you're not "good sorts", I take it? [said the bastard to the apostate, out of curiosity.]
[It's Anders' turn to shrug as though the question doesn't matter to him in the slightest.]
I've known better. Personally, I would rather be kicking back on a beach with a strong drink and a crowd of people to marvel at my talents rather than healing the ungrateful masses. I think that says enough, don't you.
[He wasn't even sorry for it, though part of him was beginning to wonder if maybe he should be. Even before arriving here, Justice had needled at Anders' selfishness and pointed it out in bold letters so the mage could hold onto it and wonder about it. He sort of resented his friend for it, things were simpler when he honestly didn't think about how selfish his desires were.]
I've known better. Personally, I would rather be kicking back on a beach with a strong drink and a crowd of people to marvel at my talents rather than healing the ungrateful masses. I think that says enough, don't you.
[He wasn't even sorry for it, though part of him was beginning to wonder if maybe he should be. Even before arriving here, Justice had needled at Anders' selfishness and pointed it out in bold letters so the mage could hold onto it and wonder about it. He sort of resented his friend for it, things were simpler when he honestly didn't think about how selfish his desires were.]
Edited 2016-06-16 16:15 (UTC)
Maybe the ungrateful masses here might be slightly less ungrateful. [A pause.] And I've known worse than someone who'd rather be on a beach than in a battlefield.
[And anyway, Anders is here, isn't he? As much as he claims not to be "good sorts", that it didn't take Jon very much to get him to come along also says a lot, at least to Jon himself. He's not even Lord Commander here, Anders could've easily told him to go away and he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.]
[And anyway, Anders is here, isn't he? As much as he claims not to be "good sorts", that it didn't take Jon very much to get him to come along also says a lot, at least to Jon himself. He's not even Lord Commander here, Anders could've easily told him to go away and he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.]
Maybe. I suppose we'll find out.
[He couldn't get his hopes up that after years and years in a culture that cared to have him locked away, he was suddenly finding himself in a place that couldn't care less if his hands glowed or not. It seemed too 'storybook ending' for his slightly less optimistic views.]
[He couldn't get his hopes up that after years and years in a culture that cared to have him locked away, he was suddenly finding himself in a place that couldn't care less if his hands glowed or not. It seemed too 'storybook ending' for his slightly less optimistic views.]
The idea had been niggling at the back of Hawke's mind for some time now. How it seems everyone else in the fleet has received a beloved pet from this miraculous tree in the middle of the forest. After meeting Kiter, after seeing Daenerys' dragon egg, after seeing Ser-Pounce-a-Lot in he's full feline personage instead of by description, Hawke is eager to make an attempt himself at a companion.
Truth be told he's missed his mabari fiercely since he left Drools with Carver in Kirkwall. He'd done it because he didn't want to leave Carver alone, because they could protect each other, and because feeding himself, Anders, and a 9 stone Mabari would have been a logistical nightmare if there wasn't enough small game around. Or large game. Or any. Plus as smart as Drools was, he couldn't sneak into Circle Towers to help them take that final plunge. No, he'd told himself, Kirkwall was still the best place for him.
But with the fleet apparently able to take people out of their times and plop them right back in when they're returned... well, why not? It wouldn't leave Carver alone, technically, and he could stock up on meat here and freeze it for feeding the dog over time. Why shouldn't he be able to have Ser Drools, if all his worries have solutions?
Excited by the prospect, Hawke hardly thinks very much at all about bounding up the bridges and stairs to Anders' treehouse to ask the mage for help. Or, rather, he thinks entirely too much about it. He likes Kirk well enough, likes Marian, likes Tyrion, but to share an actual memory with them, personal memories of family, in order to achieve his gift... he's not sure he's ready for that with any of them. Kirk should remain uncomplicated, Marian is uncomplicated enough, and Tyrion is so shrewd that Hawke imagines he'll figure something out about him that he doesn't want the other man to know.
But Anders... as complicated as things are with their separated times, Hawke doesn't mind this kind of intimacy with Anders. He's already done it, already will have done it. He's an open book to the other mage, he's finding. Even now, when Anders doesn't know what is to come, he doesn't mind sharing all of it.
All but one thing. He's effectively ripped that page out of the book and swallowed it.
But that's not at all on his mind now. What is, is a big pink tongue, a big wet nose, and a caning muscle so full of exuberance that instead of wagging his tail, he wags his entire body. Maker but he wants his dog so badly.
"Anders! Are you in?" He knocks even as he calls out, hoping the blond isn't off in some other part of town.
Truth be told he's missed his mabari fiercely since he left Drools with Carver in Kirkwall. He'd done it because he didn't want to leave Carver alone, because they could protect each other, and because feeding himself, Anders, and a 9 stone Mabari would have been a logistical nightmare if there wasn't enough small game around. Or large game. Or any. Plus as smart as Drools was, he couldn't sneak into Circle Towers to help them take that final plunge. No, he'd told himself, Kirkwall was still the best place for him.
But with the fleet apparently able to take people out of their times and plop them right back in when they're returned... well, why not? It wouldn't leave Carver alone, technically, and he could stock up on meat here and freeze it for feeding the dog over time. Why shouldn't he be able to have Ser Drools, if all his worries have solutions?
Excited by the prospect, Hawke hardly thinks very much at all about bounding up the bridges and stairs to Anders' treehouse to ask the mage for help. Or, rather, he thinks entirely too much about it. He likes Kirk well enough, likes Marian, likes Tyrion, but to share an actual memory with them, personal memories of family, in order to achieve his gift... he's not sure he's ready for that with any of them. Kirk should remain uncomplicated, Marian is uncomplicated enough, and Tyrion is so shrewd that Hawke imagines he'll figure something out about him that he doesn't want the other man to know.
But Anders... as complicated as things are with their separated times, Hawke doesn't mind this kind of intimacy with Anders. He's already done it, already will have done it. He's an open book to the other mage, he's finding. Even now, when Anders doesn't know what is to come, he doesn't mind sharing all of it.
All but one thing. He's effectively ripped that page out of the book and swallowed it.
But that's not at all on his mind now. What is, is a big pink tongue, a big wet nose, and a caning muscle so full of exuberance that instead of wagging his tail, he wags his entire body. Maker but he wants his dog so badly.
"Anders! Are you in?" He knocks even as he calls out, hoping the blond isn't off in some other part of town.
Edited 2016-07-17 03:33 (UTC)
"I wasn't, but I am now."
The voice comes from behind Hawke. Anders had seen Adalwolfe's mad dash up the stairs to Anders' landing and it had certainly gotten his interest. What could possibly cause that? Except maybe impending danger, he supposed.
His shoulder was adorned with his kitten and his arms held an empty bag and a homemade blanket, a recent gift of thanks for his healing potions. Really, these people here were far nicer to him for being a healer than he'd ever seen before. It reminded him of Hawke's story.
But that was neither here nor there at the moment. "How about I set my stuff inside and then you can show me where the fire is?"
The voice comes from behind Hawke. Anders had seen Adalwolfe's mad dash up the stairs to Anders' landing and it had certainly gotten his interest. What could possibly cause that? Except maybe impending danger, he supposed.
His shoulder was adorned with his kitten and his arms held an empty bag and a homemade blanket, a recent gift of thanks for his healing potions. Really, these people here were far nicer to him for being a healer than he'd ever seen before. It reminded him of Hawke's story.
But that was neither here nor there at the moment. "How about I set my stuff inside and then you can show me where the fire is?"
Where had Anders even come from? Maybe across one of the other bridges, if he had to guess. Not that it matters. What matters is that Anders is there so he can present his plan.
"Alright, sure." He moves out of the way so Anders can open the door, following him inside. "Only there's no fire. I just thought, with you getting Ser Pounce and Riona with Kiter and so many others asking for their animal companions and actually getting them that with some help I might be able to ask for Ser Drools."
He says his hound's name as if Anders has any idea who that is.
"Alright, sure." He moves out of the way so Anders can open the door, following him inside. "Only there's no fire. I just thought, with you getting Ser Pounce and Riona with Kiter and so many others asking for their animal companions and actually getting them that with some help I might be able to ask for Ser Drools."
He says his hound's name as if Anders has any idea who that is.
[So much had come at Riona after she'd woken up. A lot needed to be said, though that had been delayed thanks to Leliana's little artistic endeavor on Riona's face (Maker she was going to get the bard for that one).
But the absolute first thing she needed to do, after washing off her face and ensuring Kiter was all right, was talk to Anders. Maker's breath, all her talks with him... she saw them in a different light now. Balls but she was so sorry that she hadn't met him yet. It must have hurt him, and that was why she needed to talk to him now.
As she turns on her communicator, she struggles to think of how to start, of what to say to them. Really, it should be something witty or sarcastic at the very least. But her head's still muddled from sleeping for a few days, and she's too distracted by her guilt to think very clearly. So all she manages when the feed starts is:]
Anders, I remember now.
But the absolute first thing she needed to do, after washing off her face and ensuring Kiter was all right, was talk to Anders. Maker's breath, all her talks with him... she saw them in a different light now. Balls but she was so sorry that she hadn't met him yet. It must have hurt him, and that was why she needed to talk to him now.
As she turns on her communicator, she struggles to think of how to start, of what to say to them. Really, it should be something witty or sarcastic at the very least. But her head's still muddled from sleeping for a few days, and she's too distracted by her guilt to think very clearly. So all she manages when the feed starts is:]
Anders, I remember now.
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