[The reply is quiet, much softer than the booming voice of Justice, echoing even when the room doesn't cause it.]
Not... not about Kristoff, but I do know you were prepared to die, and I know he was too. Still is.
[The corner of his mouth twitches up in spite of himself, but there's nothing mirthful in his eyes as they drift to Anders' boots and linger there.]
But justice doesn't always come with death. Killing the person who's done something wrong doesn't undo that wrong. Death is just death. It's an ending, but it isn't atonement.
[He lets his eyes come up to meet Justice's glow again, his own stormy gaze clear.]
You were with us when we visited the Circles. People needed our cause explained, even still. Needed help to fight or escape. The world still needs Anders, not just me. Those mages who never had any hope, the ones who ended up fighting for their lives when they never thought they'd have one of their own. They need to know he's still there. A martyr is no use to the living.
[A long exhale, a little bit of mist going with it. He can never help that, in emotionally charged situations, as calm as he appears to be. He feels calm too, somehow. Justice sharing that of himself, expressing that he understands, as far as he can, Adalwolfe's care for Anders, that helps. But he's still emotional anyway. It's something else. Not upset, not anger. Helplessness, maybe. Justice being within Anders can still do as he likes, and as much as he says he doesn't wish Anders suffering - and Hawke does believe that - the situation is untenable. It will cause him suffering no matter what anyone actually wants.]
None of that matters now, here. All I wanted to ask you was your side. This effects you too, and it's high time someone actually asked you what you wanted.
[His thoughts churn uncomfortably and an emotion he can't identify plagues him but he says nothing. It clicks a moment later.
'What you did was wrong. You must make amends.'
A long forgotten conversation played loud and painfully clear as a hand drawing back a curtain.
'Teach them. Show these humans what they are so carelessly destroying.'
'And if they do not listen?'
'Then you have done what you could.'
A different injustice. A different conflict. But was this not the same in a way?]
You have given me something to think about. I thank you for having consideration for my opinion. I would expect nothing less from a Just man such as yourself.
[He doesn't say goodbye or give any sign of his departure from the conversation beyond the glow dying and the cracks receding. Anders lets out a slightly jagged gasp and a hand finds Adalwolfe's shoulder to brace him when he staggers, but he finds his footing quickly.]
Well...that was...different.
[He looked back up to Hawke with his own amber eyes and smiled softly.]
[Adalwolfe doesn't answer, instead letting his staff fall from his grip so he can tug Anders closer and kiss him deeply, taste that little smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes so handsomely. It tastes of the Fade too, makes his lips tingle even after he pulls away, hands on either side of Anders' face.]
Yeah. Good talk.
[Another exhale, this time with no mist as the clench in his chest eases and he allows himself to stop clinging, sliding his hands from Anders' face down to his chest and patting him once, a silent motion that confirms to him that Anders is alright.]
He said he may be amenable to a robot body, since he wouldn't be superseding any living being's consciousness then.
[The kiss is grounding and clears his mind a little more. This wasn't the violent or messy return from the times Justice had forcibly taken control before, but it was still jarring. Especially since he was still blacking out, maybe that was a side-effect caused by something else entirely and not really Justice's fault.
Not that it was something he was looking to test.
But it did cause some confusion about how the conversation turned from agreeing to a dream-meeting to putting his friend in a robot. He supposed it didn't really matter as long as nothing bad had happened.]
Oh? Well, good! I suppose that makes things a little easier for us on the whole. We'll simply need to find someone who can do what we're looking for. I guess this Felix wouldn't be able to separate us or he would have offered that instead.
I'm not sure, we'd have to ask. He implied he'd need help with that part but if I knew how I might be able to do it.
[More grounded himself, Adalwolfe moves away just a step or two to pick his staff back up.]
I'll take a trip to the library tomorrow, see what we can find. I don't want there too be too much of a gap between putting in the block and moving him out, for his sake.
[There's an odd note there, a bit of understanding, a bit of kindness. Not that he'd been entirely unkind to Justice in the past, but he's certainly had Opinions on what Justice's presence did to Anders and they weren't good ones. This is different though. Settled. Positive.]
[Affection fills his expression as he picks out the differences in Adalwolfe's tone. He couldn't remember Hawke ever referring to Justice like that.]
Maker, what did you two talk about? [He meant it rhetorically, not really expecting Hawke to answer if he didn't want to. Plus, there was one thing concerning him about what Hawke said.]
If you do find a way in the library, all I ask is that you don't attempt the magic alone. I don't know what spell it would take, but I can't imagine it would be an easy one. I don't want you to hurt yourself if you tried to perform it alone.
[He grins conspiratorially then considers in regards to the spell, trying not to be annoyed at Anders' caution.]
I know I'm not Circle trained, but I'm plenty adept at magic on the whole, you know.
[He smiles a bit to try to sooth what he knows was something of a prickly response and it comes on a bit wolfish, but he manages.]
If it warrants help though, I'll ask someone. The whole reason to do things this way is to keep your life out of danger. I'm not going to do something that would jeopardize that.
[Anders winces, mostly out of surprise, but there was a touch of hurt as well.]
No, that wasn't what I meant. I simply meant seperating a spirit from a person is impossible back home, I highly doubt it'll be a simple spell anywhere else, either. A spell as complex as this one would likely need to be would require every ounce of mana a mage had and, likely, more. You've seen me scraping the bottom of my mana well, you've felt it yourself after the battle with the Arishock, though I would understand if you didn't remember clearly considering you were busy bleeding out all over the keep's floor.
This would likely be worse than even that as it could require being constantly maintained so it would simply take and take, whether you had anything to give or not. At the very least, having one other mage present would allow for the focus to be switched from one to another to allow a moment of rest.
[His brows came together in concern and apprehension.]
Do...you really think I believe so little in your skills, Hawke? After all this time? Do you really believe I prize a Circle's education over all else?
[How could it be that he managed to see eye to eye with Justice of all people but suddenly now he's borderline arguing with Anders? It's just a topsy-turvy day apparently. He pinches the bridge of his nose.]
No, I don't think you prize anything from the Circles, but I do think there is something to be said for it being the only place to learn magic with any sort of formality. You know things I've never thought of, and all of those mages from the Circles we helped to rebel know it too. How many times did I hear how surprised they were that I had such control over my spellcasting? Like I'm some anomaly. Do you remember at the Markham Circle, the senior enchanter who literally scoffed at me when I admitted I couldn't help with making potions?
[He grinds his teeth behind closed lips, his jaw clenching for a moment to cover that irritation.]
I'd never wish for the Circle on anyone as it is, but there are gaps. I know you know that, and I wonder sometimes if it doesn't undermine your confidence in me.
[It undermines his confidence in himself, sometimes. He wouldn't blame Anders if that were the case.]
[Anders' expression softened and he stepped closer to gently run his fingers through Adalwolfe's hair.]
Never, my love. There are things you don't know that others our age would be experts at, it's true, but you've lived a hundred times more than they'll ever dream of. Your experiences, what you are good at is worth so much more because it's real and natural. Your magic has it's own wild beauty to it, not the systematic grooming by dusty books and the crushed spirits of hobbled enchanters.
[He gave a small smile meant to encourage.]
Besides, you have me, you don't need to make potions.
Don't take to heart what they thought or said, they're barely even half the person and mage you are, they're just too sheltered and cowed to know it yet.
[There's doubt there still, but Anders is so vehement and so earnest about it that Adalwolfe makes a mollified noise and nuzzles his face into Anders' neck just for a moment. He wouldn't trade his upbringing for Anders' save to spare him from the awful things that had been done to him, but it's nice to have it confirmed once in awhile that there aren't major pieces of his magical identity missing simply because experience had been his greatest teacher of technique.]
I'm fairly certain Hermione knows more about magic than both of us combined, anyhow.
[She's from a world with a real magical society, after all. With real schooling, and support.]
She had to explain to me what arithmancy is. Not that I think magic by numbers would do anything to help you and Justice, but even so.
[Anders' head cocked to the side slightly, his confusion clear as day.]
...Arithmancy? What is that?
[Apparently, something to do with numbers. He knew Hermione's society was everything he dreamed of and hoped for in Thedas, they'd talked about it while building the greenhouse together, but that was a field of magic he'd never heard of before.]
[Even though he's still confused, Hawke's laugh is enough to put that small smile back on Anders' face.]
That does sound dodgy. I'm sure it's worth something to her...all the same, I think I'll leave the numbers to those who get something out of them.
[He was curious to learn what new magics he could...but that one seemed alright to leave alone. Plus, who wanted to know the future? That simply seemed dangerous.]
So they didn't teach you numbers and figures in the Circle? I mean, beyond basic maths you'd need for ingredient measurements and such.
[It's strange, he's never really felt he could ask about what Anders actually learned before. Endured, sure. He wasn't terribly private about that overall since it was the basis for his rebellion, but anything even remotely positive coming of it seemed off limits somehow. But in this context, after admitting how he feels about his gaps of magical education, perhaps Anders will understand why he's asking.]
If you think I was any sort of good student, then I've been giving you the wrong impression all this time.
[He shrugged.]
They taught me what I needed for my work as an herbalist, only those who actually cared enough for numbers learned more. But I've never heard of them being used to tell the future.
Right, I forgot. You must have been escaping like the clever thing you are during that class.
[He's amused by it as much as he's impressed, has always been impressed by Anders' stories of his many escapes from Kinloch Tower. Granted there's the undercurrent that if he'd been so clever then why did he have to escape so many times instead of just the once, but he'd always seemed to have gotten recaptured doing something selfless. Saving someone's life, healing sick children, putting cream out for cats. That's the Anders he fell in love with, and he was always there, even before Justice. It's a comfort, that.]
My love, the quintessential rebel.
[He leans over and presses his palm to the side of Anders' jaw, brushing his thumb affectionately over the stubble he finds there.]
More like drawing in the margins of my books and 'notes,' escaping was more of an after class activity.
[But he smiled warmly under Hawke's attention, his hand coming up to lay on top of Adalwolfe's, his thumb mimicking Hawke's on the back of his hand.]
You know, love, if you ever wanted to learn something, I'd be more than happy to teach you. Or learn with you, if I don't know it. There is plenty I don't know, after all.
[Hes about to name potions, but Heromione's skill at that is far more varied than either of them have ever imagined potions even could be, so perhaps he'd best ask her. They could both learn together. But for the things that Anders knows...]
I've never been good at Creation or Spirit magic so I don't know if you could teach that to me or not, but I do know you're very skilled at both. And maybe Entropy spells... All the subtle things. I can blast enemies into oblivion but I can't even manage a simple hex.
[His expression was gentle but the look in his eyes said he thought Hawke could lift the world over his head and believed it whole-heartedly. Hawke could do nearly anything if he wanted to. It was just another thing Anders loved about him.]
You already have some Creation magic, I could certainly teach you how to strengthen it or use it in other ways like paralysis. I know for a fact you could be a spirit healer as well, if you had the inclination. I could teach that to you. Just about anything I know is yours to learn. Well, with maybe one or two exceptions.
And perhaps you can help me to strengthen my elemental magic?
[Anders leans in to press an adoring kiss to Hawke's lips, as though he could convince Hawke of all of Anders' confidence in him with that alone.]
And I think you're selling yourself short. I'm not saying it would come to you easily, but I'd hardly call you 'incapable.'
For now, if you'd rather, we can focus on other areas.
[They might as well find something to take up their time with now that they weren't on the run or helping every soul in the fleet as they'd done in Kirkwall.]
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apurrstate) wrote2016-05-03 09:35 pm
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[The reply is quiet, much softer than the booming voice of Justice, echoing even when the room doesn't cause it.]
Not... not about Kristoff, but I do know you were prepared to die, and I know he was too. Still is.
[The corner of his mouth twitches up in spite of himself, but there's nothing mirthful in his eyes as they drift to Anders' boots and linger there.]
But justice doesn't always come with death. Killing the person who's done something wrong doesn't undo that wrong. Death is just death. It's an ending, but it isn't atonement.
[He lets his eyes come up to meet Justice's glow again, his own stormy gaze clear.]
You were with us when we visited the Circles. People needed our cause explained, even still. Needed help to fight or escape. The world still needs Anders, not just me. Those mages who never had any hope, the ones who ended up fighting for their lives when they never thought they'd have one of their own. They need to know he's still there. A martyr is no use to the living.
[A long exhale, a little bit of mist going with it. He can never help that, in emotionally charged situations, as calm as he appears to be. He feels calm too, somehow. Justice sharing that of himself, expressing that he understands, as far as he can, Adalwolfe's care for Anders, that helps. But he's still emotional anyway. It's something else. Not upset, not anger. Helplessness, maybe. Justice being within Anders can still do as he likes, and as much as he says he doesn't wish Anders suffering - and Hawke does believe that - the situation is untenable. It will cause him suffering no matter what anyone actually wants.]
None of that matters now, here. All I wanted to ask you was your side. This effects you too, and it's high time someone actually asked you what you wanted.
[But please, please let him go.]
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'What you did was wrong. You must make amends.'
A long forgotten conversation played loud and painfully clear as a hand drawing back a curtain.
'Teach them. Show these humans what they are so carelessly destroying.'
'And if they do not listen?'
'Then you have done what you could.'
A different injustice. A different conflict. But was this not the same in a way?]
You have given me something to think about. I thank you for having consideration for my opinion. I would expect nothing less from a Just man such as yourself.
[He doesn't say goodbye or give any sign of his departure from the conversation beyond the glow dying and the cracks receding. Anders lets out a slightly jagged gasp and a hand finds Adalwolfe's shoulder to brace him when he staggers, but he finds his footing quickly.]
Well...that was...different.
[He looked back up to Hawke with his own amber eyes and smiled softly.]
Good talk?
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Yeah. Good talk.
[Another exhale, this time with no mist as the clench in his chest eases and he allows himself to stop clinging, sliding his hands from Anders' face down to his chest and patting him once, a silent motion that confirms to him that Anders is alright.]
He said he may be amenable to a robot body, since he wouldn't be superseding any living being's consciousness then.
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Not that it was something he was looking to test.
But it did cause some confusion about how the conversation turned from agreeing to a dream-meeting to putting his friend in a robot. He supposed it didn't really matter as long as nothing bad had happened.]
Oh? Well, good! I suppose that makes things a little easier for us on the whole. We'll simply need to find someone who can do what we're looking for. I guess this Felix wouldn't be able to separate us or he would have offered that instead.
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[More grounded himself, Adalwolfe moves away just a step or two to pick his staff back up.]
I'll take a trip to the library tomorrow, see what we can find. I don't want there too be too much of a gap between putting in the block and moving him out, for his sake.
[There's an odd note there, a bit of understanding, a bit of kindness. Not that he'd been entirely unkind to Justice in the past, but he's certainly had Opinions on what Justice's presence did to Anders and they weren't good ones. This is different though. Settled. Positive.]
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Maker, what did you two talk about? [He meant it rhetorically, not really expecting Hawke to answer if he didn't want to. Plus, there was one thing concerning him about what Hawke said.]
If you do find a way in the library, all I ask is that you don't attempt the magic alone. I don't know what spell it would take, but I can't imagine it would be an easy one. I don't want you to hurt yourself if you tried to perform it alone.
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[He grins conspiratorially then considers in regards to the spell, trying not to be annoyed at Anders' caution.]
I know I'm not Circle trained, but I'm plenty adept at magic on the whole, you know.
[He smiles a bit to try to sooth what he knows was something of a prickly response and it comes on a bit wolfish, but he manages.]
If it warrants help though, I'll ask someone. The whole reason to do things this way is to keep your life out of danger. I'm not going to do something that would jeopardize that.
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No, that wasn't what I meant. I simply meant seperating a spirit from a person is impossible back home, I highly doubt it'll be a simple spell anywhere else, either. A spell as complex as this one would likely need to be would require every ounce of mana a mage had and, likely, more. You've seen me scraping the bottom of my mana well, you've felt it yourself after the battle with the Arishock, though I would understand if you didn't remember clearly considering you were busy bleeding out all over the keep's floor.
This would likely be worse than even that as it could require being constantly maintained so it would simply take and take, whether you had anything to give or not. At the very least, having one other mage present would allow for the focus to be switched from one to another to allow a moment of rest.
[His brows came together in concern and apprehension.]
Do...you really think I believe so little in your skills, Hawke? After all this time? Do you really believe I prize a Circle's education over all else?
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[How could it be that he managed to see eye to eye with Justice of all people but suddenly now he's borderline arguing with Anders? It's just a topsy-turvy day apparently. He pinches the bridge of his nose.]
No, I don't think you prize anything from the Circles, but I do think there is something to be said for it being the only place to learn magic with any sort of formality. You know things I've never thought of, and all of those mages from the Circles we helped to rebel know it too. How many times did I hear how surprised they were that I had such control over my spellcasting? Like I'm some anomaly. Do you remember at the Markham Circle, the senior enchanter who literally scoffed at me when I admitted I couldn't help with making potions?
[He grinds his teeth behind closed lips, his jaw clenching for a moment to cover that irritation.]
I'd never wish for the Circle on anyone as it is, but there are gaps. I know you know that, and I wonder sometimes if it doesn't undermine your confidence in me.
[It undermines his confidence in himself, sometimes. He wouldn't blame Anders if that were the case.]
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Never, my love. There are things you don't know that others our age would be experts at, it's true, but you've lived a hundred times more than they'll ever dream of. Your experiences, what you are good at is worth so much more because it's real and natural. Your magic has it's own wild beauty to it, not the systematic grooming by dusty books and the crushed spirits of hobbled enchanters.
[He gave a small smile meant to encourage.]
Besides, you have me, you don't need to make potions.
Don't take to heart what they thought or said, they're barely even half the person and mage you are, they're just too sheltered and cowed to know it yet.
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I'm fairly certain Hermione knows more about magic than both of us combined, anyhow.
[She's from a world with a real magical society, after all. With real schooling, and support.]
She had to explain to me what arithmancy is. Not that I think magic by numbers would do anything to help you and Justice, but even so.
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...Arithmancy? What is that?
[Apparently, something to do with numbers. He knew Hermione's society was everything he dreamed of and hoped for in Thedas, they'd talked about it while building the greenhouse together, but that was a field of magic he'd never heard of before.]
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Oh thank the Maker, you don't know either.
[He claps his boyfriend on the back, pleased and a little relieved.]
Apparently something like guessing at the future based on numbers. It sounds a bit dodgy to me. I think she just likes orderly numbers.
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That does sound dodgy. I'm sure it's worth something to her...all the same, I think I'll leave the numbers to those who get something out of them.
[He was curious to learn what new magics he could...but that one seemed alright to leave alone. Plus, who wanted to know the future? That simply seemed dangerous.]
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[It's strange, he's never really felt he could ask about what Anders actually learned before. Endured, sure. He wasn't terribly private about that overall since it was the basis for his rebellion, but anything even remotely positive coming of it seemed off limits somehow. But in this context, after admitting how he feels about his gaps of magical education, perhaps Anders will understand why he's asking.]
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[Anders gave a sly smirk.]
If you think I was any sort of good student, then I've been giving you the wrong impression all this time.
[He shrugged.]
They taught me what I needed for my work as an herbalist, only those who actually cared enough for numbers learned more. But I've never heard of them being used to tell the future.
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[He's amused by it as much as he's impressed, has always been impressed by Anders' stories of his many escapes from Kinloch Tower. Granted there's the undercurrent that if he'd been so clever then why did he have to escape so many times instead of just the once, but he'd always seemed to have gotten recaptured doing something selfless. Saving someone's life, healing sick children, putting cream out for cats. That's the Anders he fell in love with, and he was always there, even before Justice. It's a comfort, that.]
My love, the quintessential rebel.
[He leans over and presses his palm to the side of Anders' jaw, brushing his thumb affectionately over the stubble he finds there.]
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[But he smiled warmly under Hawke's attention, his hand coming up to lay on top of Adalwolfe's, his thumb mimicking Hawke's on the back of his hand.]
You know, love, if you ever wanted to learn something, I'd be more than happy to teach you. Or learn with you, if I don't know it. There is plenty I don't know, after all.
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I've never been good at Creation or Spirit magic so I don't know if you could teach that to me or not, but I do know you're very skilled at both. And maybe Entropy spells... All the subtle things. I can blast enemies into oblivion but I can't even manage a simple hex.
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You already have some Creation magic, I could certainly teach you how to strengthen it or use it in other ways like paralysis. I know for a fact you could be a spirit healer as well, if you had the inclination. I could teach that to you. Just about anything I know is yours to learn. Well, with maybe one or two exceptions.
And perhaps you can help me to strengthen my elemental magic?
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[He gives a lopsided smile, adoring even in its incredulity.]
I think you're reaching a bit on me being a spirit healer though, Love.
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And I think you're selling yourself short. I'm not saying it would come to you easily, but I'd hardly call you 'incapable.'
For now, if you'd rather, we can focus on other areas.
[They might as well find something to take up their time with now that they weren't on the run or helping every soul in the fleet as they'd done in Kirkwall.]
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There's one area I'd like to focus on right now.
[He leans right back in to put a much longer, fiercer kiss against Anders' mouth.]
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When they part, Anders peppers Hawke's jaw and lips with quick small kisses as he spoke.]
You're impossible.
I find that very attractive.
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[Adalwolfe grins smugly then promptly lifts Anders right off of his feet and hucks him over one shoulder.]
Let's go do some studying.