Darling. Have you actually slept recently? Had a meal?
Occurs to me that last time we spoke, I didn't talk to you about something. Well, someone. A bit ago I met this charming man who saved me from kidnappers. Kidnapping in my kidnapped world, right? His name was Hawke, and oh did his eyes light up when you came up.
Tell me a story? I'm curious, I admit, and in the nicest possible ways. As I said, he did save my life.
I had a small bite this morning. I laid down last night, sleep was come and go. You don't need to worry about me, though I do enjoy the check ins.
Ah, then I have a few stories for you.
Once upon a time, there was a man who came looking for maps into a dangerous underground road. These maps were in the hands of a rebel Warden, run from his order and now in hiding. The man charmed the warden and took the warden's maps and heart with him, leaving his own heart in the warden's hands. The warden warned the man over and over he wasn't a good sort to be handed such a thing as a good heart, but the man insisted. The warden's situation became desperate and in his desperation, he destroyed the man's home and set fire to the world, breaking the man's heart. Still, the man persisted and when the warden offered the man his heart and a knife, the man dropped the knife and took only the heart.
Another story for you, a sequel of sorts. The warden lost the man for near-on a year until one day the man appeared like magic. When the man arrived to his warden's side, he'd found the warden had left his heart open and a few others had attached theirs to his. Instead of asking to remove these other hearts, the man took them into his hands as well and offered to hold all that the warden had come to love as his own loves as well.
Yes please tell the woman that has given up everything ever to ensure her people and their safety not to worry about you. I can't even imagine that would go well but do keep trying. It's precious.
I wish you had told me the first story before now. Not because he might one day be here, but because knowing about your past means a lot to me, but that's okay. I've accepted all along with you being as open as you might be and never expecting more from you.
Without knowing what he means to the person in my life that means so much to me, I was fairly open. I'm a bit surprised to hear that last part. Very few who know the truth seem to be that willing and open as you've been. I'm realizing more and more how truly hateful some in this place can be towards those coping with their pasts and reconciling it with this world.
I guess my hope is just to know that I'm not going to have to pretend I'm much more mature than I am about those I love.
I'm a healer, the needs of those around me will always come first. Still, I concede your point and offer in return: You like the way I frustrate you.
I don't often talk about the things in my past, not for any real reason than they lack a context here. I don't hide anything for malicious reasons, they simply seem to hold little value. As it is, what all I told you on that first day we talked is more about me than many here know. If there is ever anything you wish to know, I'm always happy to tell you and, if I'm not, I'll explain why.
There will always be hateful people. I know you know that and I know it can be hard still to accept when you meet people who aren't that way. I'm not sure exactly what you said to him or even what he thought of it, but I've known him for over a decade and been with him most of that time. I know he will not be someone like that. He can take time to process things or accept them, but if he sees someone is trying, he will always want to help and support them. Much my annoyance, at times.
I admit, I'm not entirely certain what you mean by that last part, but I will mark the day as when you admitted you love me in so many words. This is usually the part where I would warn you off, tell you not to as your affections would be safer elsewhere. I don't think I need to, though, not this time. You know of the blood on my hands and what I'm capable of, you know I'm not always a good man and I'm fairly confident that you could destroy me if I broke your heart carelessly. So, perhaps, all I need to say is that I love you too.
I adore the way you frustrate me, but that doesn't change that I'm still going to check on you. You know how much time I've spent taking care of others who I consider mine, Anders. Did you think that wouldn't apply to you?
I never thought it was malicious. Just know that I'm open to hearing about your life, about if you're hurting, and just being here for you. You've become too important to me for anything else.
Nor did I ever think it would be him or you that acts that way. It's more how much they seem to accept actual killers in this place but that I'm open about my past is a problem to some. You would think they would be happier if I lied. I could go back to that but I refuse to conform. It's more me bitching that anything. Promise.
I hid nothing from him as I didn't from you. And I'm glad I did because I hope to stay in your life and honestly in his life as well. I find him charming, I admit.
That's what I had meant. I just needed to hear that perhaps I wouldn't lose one of those I count as mine. Not surprising but I can be a possessive bitch but I would respect your desires. Even if you're right, I could destroy you.
It was cute though. He tried to assure me you weren't his Anders since apparently that's a thing he's run into before. For your sake, I'm glad he apparently is yours.
I thought perhaps there may be others who deserved it more. I remember now that you hold that decision in your hands, forgive my forgetfulness.
I will keep it in mind. I know I have a habit of trying to contain such things, but it is very easy to talk with you and I should remember that. I hope you know that the offer is returned. Your happiness and well-being are also a top priority for me. Consequentially, you are always welcome to 'bitch' at me. People are very frustrating, I imagine you might need it.
As for Hawke, you won't need to lose anything. He and I spoke about the nature of this place and the fact there are others I've come to love as well. We've talked about those people and we both agreed that he was taken with them for his own part. You, my dear, are certainly one of the two we talked about. I think he finds you as intoxicating as I do, so I suspect he will try to get to know you for your sake as well as mine or his. I encourage that you give him a chance. He is rather charming.
And for that last part, it is a Thedas thing, from what I've seen. There was a Hawke here for some time before and when I arrived in this city that was not my Hawke. He had every reason to be concerned.
There is no one that I think deserves it more, and I will likely forgive you of nearly anything. I also know I have no reason to think you would take advantage of that.
Since that day we met at the festival, you have been one of the few people that I feel have changed my life. Without meeting you, I'm not sure how much I would have embraced the changes in my life that have become part of me here.
I'm glad you've already discussed things. I know we had a discussion on this place as well and how we feel about one another. So many can't seem to live with openness in this place, so I'm glad we can.
Your darling Hawke is charming, and I'm glad to hear that. Oh the things you make me feel though saying that. How can I be so lucky to have two handsome, wonderful men in my life? I'm thankful for it too. All part of my new life here.
No matter what happens, I'm glad he is the man you love. I am. You know how much I miss those I've loved and so I'm glad you have him here for you and that he isn't out there without you as well.
You've had no small effect on my time here, as well. I can't say I'll ever be thankful to this place or even like it, but you've shown me where there can be good to be found. I'll gladly accept what blame you place at my feet for what good you've found for yourself as well. For that, I can be thankful.
I admit, it wasn't something either of us had considered before arriving here, but I'm grateful we've learned.
The least a queen like yourself deserves are people in her life who know and appreciate her royalty. On that note, have fun with him as you'd both like, just please leave him in one piece enough to return home.
I'm more grateful than I can put words to, if I'm honest. No matter what happens, his arrival here, of all places, after having been in a different place prior as well, tells me I may not need to fear for being separated from him for too long. Even if one of us were to vanish tomorrow, I think I could rest easy knowing it wouldn't be forever.
Much as I would miss you here, Anders, if I could find a way to return you to the life you wish, I would. I have my reasons for not wanting to return home, but I haven't many other choices than this place. I know you, and I assume you both, have that.
But for as long as I can have you in my life, I will cherish it.
And if you keep that up, there's nothing I won't give you. I promise, I have no plans to dismantle your love anymore than I have plans of that for you. I wouldn't do that to you, and he isn't that sort of man.
Besides, playing along with this places games doesn't always amuse me. I am rather enjoying bucking the system by actually embracing emotions and romance and passion. How much better could a fight be when things feel like this?
With all honesty, I'm glad. For you both. Know that, Anders. As happy as I would be for Crow to be here as well. You're very lucky, Darling.
While I appreciate that, you misunderstand me. I don't want to go back to Thedas, I'm wanted in nearly every country, dead or alive with a preference for dead. However, I have to go back. If there is even a small chance that I can help improve the lives of mages by being there, whether it's through my actions or my eventual capture, then I need to be there to make that happen. If I could do what I want, I would never return so long as I could have the ones I love with me.
I think that's beautiful too, you know. your dedication to fight them in your own way, your dedication to what you want and what you feel. Few things are more admirable than that.
Thank you. Truly. I'm well aware of the luck I've managed in having him here when I've done little to deserve it in the first place. It's not a gift I accept lightly. I only hope someone of yours is returned to you as well someday.
You say things like that and I realize that you are much too good a man for me, Darling. I have no desire to change things, but I know how lucky I am. My life is so different here, but I'm happy for it.
I feel selfish sometimes. So much of my life has been caring for my people and now it's just myself, and those new to my family.
Much as I miss then, I'm not sure they would do well here. But I feel I have a family again, so there's that. It's enough.
Nonsense. We're simply both people trying to make our lives different from what they were. However, if we're both going to believe the other too good for them, then I think that may put us on even ground again.
I know what you mean. That's why I went to Haven when I first got here: it's easier to focus my time on tending to others, if I'm to have extra amounts of it.
As long as I am here, you will always have at least one person who counts you as family, Rose.
I feel the same. I'm happy to give you some place safe, Rose. It's the very least of what you deserve.
A place of healing, romance, and sharing. I love the sound of it more and more. I can't wait to see it and see what you do with it. I know it will be fantastic.
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text; un: baccara
Occurs to me that last time we spoke, I didn't talk to you about something. Well, someone. A bit ago I met this charming man who saved me from kidnappers. Kidnapping in my kidnapped world, right? His name was Hawke, and oh did his eyes light up when you came up.
Tell me a story? I'm curious, I admit, and in the nicest possible ways. As I said, he did save my life.
no subject
Ah, then I have a few stories for you.
Once upon a time, there was a man who came looking for maps into a dangerous underground road. These maps were in the hands of a rebel Warden, run from his order and now in hiding. The man charmed the warden and took the warden's maps and heart with him, leaving his own heart in the warden's hands. The warden warned the man over and over he wasn't a good sort to be handed such a thing as a good heart, but the man insisted. The warden's situation became desperate and in his desperation, he destroyed the man's home and set fire to the world, breaking the man's heart. Still, the man persisted and when the warden offered the man his heart and a knife, the man dropped the knife and took only the heart.
Another story for you, a sequel of sorts. The warden lost the man for near-on a year until one day the man appeared like magic. When the man arrived to his warden's side, he'd found the warden had left his heart open and a few others had attached theirs to his. Instead of asking to remove these other hearts, the man took them into his hands as well and offered to hold all that the warden had come to love as his own loves as well.
no subject
I wish you had told me the first story before now. Not because he might one day be here, but because knowing about your past means a lot to me, but that's okay. I've accepted all along with you being as open as you might be and never expecting more from you.
Without knowing what he means to the person in my life that means so much to me, I was fairly open. I'm a bit surprised to hear that last part. Very few who know the truth seem to be that willing and open as you've been. I'm realizing more and more how truly hateful some in this place can be towards those coping with their pasts and reconciling it with this world.
I guess my hope is just to know that I'm not going to have to pretend I'm much more mature than I am about those I love.
no subject
I don't often talk about the things in my past, not for any real reason than they lack a context here. I don't hide anything for malicious reasons, they simply seem to hold little value. As it is, what all I told you on that first day we talked is more about me than many here know. If there is ever anything you wish to know, I'm always happy to tell you and, if I'm not, I'll explain why.
There will always be hateful people. I know you know that and I know it can be hard still to accept when you meet people who aren't that way. I'm not sure exactly what you said to him or even what he thought of it, but I've known him for over a decade and been with him most of that time. I know he will not be someone like that. He can take time to process things or accept them, but if he sees someone is trying, he will always want to help and support them. Much my annoyance, at times.
I admit, I'm not entirely certain what you mean by that last part, but I will mark the day as when you admitted you love me in so many words. This is usually the part where I would warn you off, tell you not to as your affections would be safer elsewhere. I don't think I need to, though, not this time. You know of the blood on my hands and what I'm capable of, you know I'm not always a good man and I'm fairly confident that you could destroy me if I broke your heart carelessly. So, perhaps, all I need to say is that I love you too.
no subject
I never thought it was malicious. Just know that I'm open to hearing about your life, about if you're hurting, and just being here for you. You've become too important to me for anything else.
Nor did I ever think it would be him or you that acts that way. It's more how much they seem to accept actual killers in this place but that I'm open about my past is a problem to some. You would think they would be happier if I lied. I could go back to that but I refuse to conform. It's more me bitching that anything. Promise.
I hid nothing from him as I didn't from you. And I'm glad I did because I hope to stay in your life and honestly in his life as well. I find him charming, I admit.
That's what I had meant. I just needed to hear that perhaps I wouldn't lose one of those I count as mine. Not surprising but I can be a possessive bitch but I would respect your desires. Even if you're right, I could destroy you.
It was cute though. He tried to assure me you weren't his Anders since apparently that's a thing he's run into before. For your sake, I'm glad he apparently is yours.
no subject
I will keep it in mind. I know I have a habit of trying to contain such things, but it is very easy to talk with you and I should remember that. I hope you know that the offer is returned. Your happiness and well-being are also a top priority for me. Consequentially, you are always welcome to 'bitch' at me. People are very frustrating, I imagine you might need it.
As for Hawke, you won't need to lose anything. He and I spoke about the nature of this place and the fact there are others I've come to love as well. We've talked about those people and we both agreed that he was taken with them for his own part. You, my dear, are certainly one of the two we talked about. I think he finds you as intoxicating as I do, so I suspect he will try to get to know you for your sake as well as mine or his. I encourage that you give him a chance.
He is rather charming.
And for that last part, it is a Thedas thing, from what I've seen. There was a Hawke here for some time before and when I arrived in this city that was not my Hawke. He had every reason to be concerned.
no subject
Since that day we met at the festival, you have been one of the few people that I feel have changed my life. Without meeting you, I'm not sure how much I would have embraced the changes in my life that have become part of me here.
I'm glad you've already discussed things. I know we had a discussion on this place as well and how we feel about one another. So many can't seem to live with openness in this place, so I'm glad we can.
Your darling Hawke is charming, and I'm glad to hear that. Oh the things you make me feel though saying that. How can I be so lucky to have two handsome, wonderful men in my life? I'm thankful for it too. All part of my new life here.
No matter what happens, I'm glad he is the man you love. I am. You know how much I miss those I've loved and so I'm glad you have him here for you and that he isn't out there without you as well.
no subject
You've had no small effect on my time here, as well. I can't say I'll ever be thankful to this place or even like it, but you've shown me where there can be good to be found. I'll gladly accept what blame you place at my feet for what good you've found for yourself as well. For that, I can be thankful.
I admit, it wasn't something either of us had considered before arriving here, but I'm grateful we've learned.
The least a queen like yourself deserves are people in her life who know and appreciate her royalty. On that note, have fun with him as you'd both like, just please leave him in one piece enough to return home.
I'm more grateful than I can put words to, if I'm honest. No matter what happens, his arrival here, of all places, after having been in a different place prior as well, tells me I may not need to fear for being separated from him for too long. Even if one of us were to vanish tomorrow, I think I could rest easy knowing it wouldn't be forever.
no subject
But for as long as I can have you in my life, I will cherish it.
And if you keep that up, there's nothing I won't give you. I promise, I have no plans to dismantle your love anymore than I have plans of that for you. I wouldn't do that to you, and he isn't that sort of man.
Besides, playing along with this places games doesn't always amuse me. I am rather enjoying bucking the system by actually embracing emotions and romance and passion. How much better could a fight be when things feel like this?
With all honesty, I'm glad. For you both. Know that, Anders. As happy as I would be for Crow to be here as well. You're very lucky, Darling.
no subject
I think that's beautiful too, you know. your dedication to fight them in your own way, your dedication to what you want and what you feel. Few things are more admirable than that.
Thank you. Truly. I'm well aware of the luck I've managed in having him here when I've done little to deserve it in the first place. It's not a gift I accept lightly. I only hope someone of yours is returned to you as well someday.
no subject
I feel selfish sometimes. So much of my life has been caring for my people and now it's just myself, and those new to my family.
Much as I miss then, I'm not sure they would do well here. But I feel I have a family again, so there's that. It's enough.
no subject
I know what you mean. That's why I went to Haven when I first got here: it's easier to focus my time on tending to others, if I'm to have extra amounts of it.
As long as I am here, you will always have at least one person who counts you as family, Rose.
no subject
Even before I don't think I ever truly felt safe. Not like this.
I want the spa up and running for that. I feel it will be more of me working on creating a spa like I had with our caravan. A place of sharing.
no subject
A place of healing, romance, and sharing. I love the sound of it more and more. I can't wait to see it and see what you do with it. I know it will be fantastic.