deryni and haldane are what Kelson is. You know Deryni magic. Haldane magic is... much better suited for battle and even magical duels. Even if I were certain rather than conflicted and speculative, I can't unlock myself and there is no one else.
Because I won't let you be wrong about yourself? Yes, how strange.
I still think you've the capacity to learn magic like that. Without killing yourself for it. Just as I suspect you could learn how to heal. I believe you that there isn't a way, I ask out of curiosity: how does the unlocking work?
I meant the desire for someone to stand up for me. It's sweet and reminds me strongly of your desire to take my punishments for me.
I think I could learn to heal. That was once known to Deryni but has been lost. The rest I'm less certain of. Most of the magic I do that isn't based in the mind is far from impressive. Alone, anyway.
And it works... not dissimilarly to what I did for you, except it is removing instead of building walls. Largely mental, some ritual.
I would stand up for you whether there were punishments to take or not. That comes from my loving you and believing in your worth and nothing more complicated.
I voiced before I could teach you, I think the concepts could hold true even if the execution must be different due to limitations. The offer would stand for offensive magics as well. I don't mean lightning, but I'm curious if you could do with your magic what I do with spirit energy or Hawke does with force.
I enjoy learning and challenge. I'm interested in... attaining the goal with healing magic. I am far less interested in offensive magics, but I am willing to try.
There is no doubt in my mind that I was loved, and certainly I loved my parents and do love Bronwyn. But the level of ...intimacy and overt displays of emotion is utterly foreign to me. Some of that is no doubt due to the amount of time spent apart, but the rest, I think, is simply cultural.
I understand a bit of what you mean, it might be cultural, but I do suspect the nature of how you were raised and losing your parents early held a lot to do with it. Hawke's opinion of family and mine are different, yet I would argue our culture is as the same as it can be.
I think, taken more broadly, I need to be able to at least understand it better than I do. Family is the best, starkest, example but I don't think it's helping me build relationships here.
We were both born in 9:04 Dragon and grew up in Ferelden, so the culture is the same. We both had loving families, up until a point. How much of Hawke's history and family has he told you?
Enough, then. You know he had his father until he was a little younger than you and they were a very tightknit group who protected and loved each other as best they could considering they were constantly on the run.
My mother loved me very dearly, I have no doubt of that. My father loved me once, I think. He was Ander. The people, as in from the Anderfells. I have his features: blond, narrow nose and eyes, high cheekbones. The Anders are a very religious people, highly devote and dedicated to not only the Chant of Light and Andraste, but the Chantry.
It took three days after my magic manifested for the Templars to come to my nowhere village and put me in irons to drag me from me weeping mother. He called on them himself. He wasn't a particularly tactile person before, but I might as well have simply no longer existed in that time. I think he thought I was a punishment to him for some perceived slight against the Maker.
I care very much for the freedom for a mage to have whatever family he wishes and the ability to love and devote himself to them.
I don't care for 'the ties of family' or 'the bond of blood' or any of that nonsense.
Your attitude toward Jehana just became more comprehensible than they had been.
Your father was a dick.
I've no idea how to articulate this. Even in text it defies my ability to use words to express things related to emotions.
My father was loving, he was gentle, he was kind and compassionate - but the norms of not just our time and place, but our time, place and status were that displays of affection were for private moments between spouses or children under the age of perhaps six.
I have not cried in more than a decade, and even then in the presence of one person.
One person that I spent more time with than my father or siblings, and that was Llion.
The last time I cried openly? Not in memory - neither Bronwyn nor I cried at father's funeral; it simply was not an option that occurred to me. The last time I hugged someone openly? Nearly two decades.
Magic only had any influence when it came to isolating me from my peers, but even there open emotion simply is not done. I would not consider it a problem, in general, but it is getting in my way here.
In that case, I can understand the question of culture, that may very well be the case here. The expectations you grew up in were vastly different than here, even without the nature of the city. Even in Thedas, hugging or touching or expressing emotion with someone you trust or care for is accepted and largely encouraged.
Honestly? It sounds like you could use practice. Idyll touch is the simplest form and can be done between friends or lovers and might make you more comfortable with the idea over all.
Of course, Hawke and I will be more than happy to practice kissing you in public. For my part, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but if I have your permission to make you uncomfortable, I'd be happy to hug and kiss you for an entire street to see.
A very soft sadistic streak, I'd say, if I'm tormenting you with gentle touches, kisses and forms of intimacy.
He's earnest and patient. I think he sounds like a good friend to have. One you can trust to practice with you without judgement and for the enjoyment of your company.
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deryni and haldane are what Kelson is. You know Deryni magic. Haldane magic is... much better suited for battle and even magical duels. Even if I were certain rather than conflicted and speculative, I can't unlock myself and there is no one else.
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I still think you've the capacity to learn magic like that. Without killing yourself for it. Just as I suspect you could learn how to heal. I believe you that there isn't a way, I ask out of curiosity: how does the unlocking work?
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It's sweet and reminds me strongly of your desire to take my punishments for me.
I think I could learn to heal. That was once known to Deryni but has been lost. The rest I'm less certain of. Most of the magic I do that isn't based in the mind is far from impressive. Alone, anyway.
And it works... not dissimilarly to what I did for you, except it is removing instead of building walls. Largely mental, some ritual.
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I voiced before I could teach you, I think the concepts could hold true even if the execution must be different due to limitations. The offer would stand for offensive magics as well. I don't mean lightning, but I'm curious if you could do with your magic what I do with spirit energy or Hawke does with force.
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Earlier, you mentioned issues with other people's perceptions of family. Care to elaborate?
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There is no doubt in my mind that I was loved, and certainly I loved my parents and do love Bronwyn. But the level of ...intimacy and overt displays of emotion is utterly foreign to me. Some of that is no doubt due to the amount of time spent apart, but the rest, I think, is simply cultural.
I've no idea how to relate to that.
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I understand a bit of what you mean, it might be cultural, but I do suspect the nature of how you were raised and losing your parents early held a lot to do with it. Hawke's opinion of family and mine are different, yet I would argue our culture is as the same as it can be.
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Can you explain more?
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We were both born in 9:04 Dragon and grew up in Ferelden, so the culture is the same. We both had loving families, up until a point. How much of Hawke's history and family has he told you?
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My mother loved me very dearly, I have no doubt of that. My father loved me once, I think. He was Ander. The people, as in from the Anderfells. I have his features: blond, narrow nose and eyes, high cheekbones. The Anders are a very religious people, highly devote and dedicated to not only the Chant of Light and Andraste, but the Chantry.
It took three days after my magic manifested for the Templars to come to my nowhere village and put me in irons to drag me from me weeping mother. He called on them himself. He wasn't a particularly tactile person before, but I might as well have simply no longer existed in that time. I think he thought I was a punishment to him for some perceived slight against the Maker.
I care very much for the freedom for a mage to have whatever family he wishes and the ability to love and devote himself to them.
I don't care for 'the ties of family' or 'the bond of blood' or any of that nonsense.
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Your father was a dick.
I've no idea how to articulate this. Even in text it defies my ability to use words to express things related to emotions.
My father was loving, he was gentle, he was kind and compassionate - but the norms of not just our time and place, but our time, place and status were that displays of affection were for private moments between spouses or children under the age of perhaps six.
I have not cried in more than a decade, and even then in the presence of one person.
One person that I spent more time with than my father or siblings, and that was Llion.
The last time I cried openly? Not in memory - neither Bronwyn nor I cried at father's funeral; it simply was not an option that occurred to me. The last time I hugged someone openly? Nearly two decades.
Magic only had any influence when it came to isolating me from my peers, but even there open emotion simply is not done. I would not consider it a problem, in general, but it is getting in my way here.
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In that case, I can understand the question of culture, that may very well be the case here. The expectations you grew up in were vastly different than here, even without the nature of the city. Even in Thedas, hugging or touching or expressing emotion with someone you trust or care for is accepted and largely encouraged.
Honestly? It sounds like you could use practice. Idyll touch is the simplest form and can be done between friends or lovers and might make you more comfortable with the idea over all.
Of course, Hawke and I will be more than happy to practice kissing you in public. For my part, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but if I have your permission to make you uncomfortable, I'd be happy to hug and kiss you for an entire street to see.
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Though I will also practice with you, Hawke and perhaps Caleb.
[ He has... a friend? Maybe one and a half. ]
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As you'd like, of course. Hawke will be overjoyed. Caleb seems kind.
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He is. He's very good at putting me at ease and making me feel... his age, rather than a decade older, which is very odd.
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He's earnest and patient. I think he sounds like a good friend to have. One you can trust to practice with you without judgement and for the enjoyment of your company.
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Are you home?
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[ He's already getting up to grab and put on the collar, though. He's just being a brat.]
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